Problem 4: The Teens

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... Your mother is a weak character? So are you, kids.

Based on this novel, I can see now why you eliminated children from your memoir. These teens are super boring. The same way I get the feeling you don't particularly care for either Angela or Bev, your lack of interest in the teens is discernible.

Josh has the pleasure of being introduced to us through a throw away comment by Angela when her phone rings. "Before she could back out of the driveway, however, her cell phone rang. No doubt this would be her sullen son begging for a ride home from the monster mall." Feel the love. Are we surprised when she abandons him? Not really. Are we surprised when he says that he feels invisible and thinks his family is fucked up? Not really. The only surprise there is how much that scene lacks emotion. (But then, not really.)

Angela invites Josh to come over for dinner once a week. This is only after she decides that maybe she shouldn't completely punish him for any crimes his father may or may not have committed. (Did I mention I don't like Angela?) So in the course of the novel we see Josh three or four times? And he leaves no impact. He's supposed to be a phantom, but that doesn't mean he really has to be so forgettable. Or that Angela should alternate between forgetting about him and simply crossing her fingers that one day they'll have a good relationship.

To juxtapose Josh, you introduce Madison. In our first encounter with her, she's watching her mom read tarot cards at the kitchen table. What is supposed to be for Angela's sake, we get her explanation of what's happening. We see she has long blond hair and sits on her knees and says "Mommy's reading for me now" like she's 3 instead of 16. I don't like her but it's actually Angela I like a WHOLE lot less when I read the following description of Madison: "She could be a precious, though somewhat vocal child. When she wanted something, she wanted it. Yet, when it came time to make someone happy, she could soften faster than a Hershey bar left in the sun if it meant she'd come out ahead."

The first sentence confused me. The second sentence sounded generic. And by now I'm set up to not trust any further judgments in this statement. In this scene, Bev is pissed at Angela and doesn't want to hear them talking, so she's asked Madison to be quiet. Madison complies. And now I'm not supposed to like Madison?

From there, Madison becomes a catalyst. We look forward to her presence because we know SOMETHING will happen. But she still only ranks as Tolerable. Like Josh, she isn't written believably as a teenager because she isn't written believably as a person. You told me you picked the name Madison because you were hoping that with such a popular name (and by now all those baby girls who were named Madison back in 1990-whatever are even older than this character) readers would really identify with and feel for your Madison. (moment of reflection) Seriously?

Madison could have been a source for funny, hormonal teen angst bitchiness. But she's not. She's insubordinate. She hurls lame insults. Her mother claims she's her biggest help, but we only see Madison heat up a dish for Mama once. Madison acts like she's superior even though she reads as a complete moron. However, besides sparking events in the house, Madison gives us more insight into who Bev is in the "What kind of person ends up with a child like this" kind of way. Oh, and because we see everything twice, we get more insight into who Angela is, too, based on Angela's descriptions and reactions to everything.

Could the story go without these characters? I wouldn't want it to. I think a story about two sisters trapped n a house with their ailing mother is more fun when you add one more generation to the mix. However, these characters add nothing good. They give us no reason to like the main characters any better. They don't add real drama or humor to the plot. In order to fix this problem, though, you don't need to work on the teens, you need to work on the narration.