Turns Out I Was Wrong

So, my synopsis was a terrible synopsis. It was the classic "writer mistakenly attempts to draft the text for the back cover that only a real copy writer handle as opposed to writing the requested synopsis." But at least my piece had heart. I was right about that part. Your synopsis, dear author, lacks emotion. Whoever is reading the unsolicited materials you send will want to feel attached to your characters. If I am reading your synopsis (or your query letter or your... novel) I want to CARE about your characters. I don't care that this is supposedly your first novel. (A statement which by the way makes me judge every word after more harshly.)

Anyway, I only now know for sure that my synopsis was not a synopsis because you emailed me again. (Subject line: MORE SYNOPSIS STUFF)

Hi

I'm still confused.  Do you think I should use the synopsis you wrote instead of using my own new one?  Are you saying my new synopsis isn't good enough yet?  I really need to know.

Today I got a rejection letter for my other novel. This is the only agent that actually asked to read my other novel.  I was very disappointed they said they don't want to represent it.  I had high hopes.

Getting published ain't easy.  Don't let anyone tell you it is.

Tell me what to do,

[Author]

First, gee, after all the success you've had in the past 30 years, I tell everyone I meet, "Being a writer is Eeeeeee-Z!"

Second, omg google "what makes a good synopsis." Don't use quotes. Don't use a question mark. You'll find countless resources. In my three minutes of research, the first site I found referenced a romance writer who then linked to "successful" synopses. Amazing link. I only read half of the first sample and then skipped to the end—but that's how good it was. Too steamy for a quick email session with my infant son two feet away. Go here: charlottedillon.com

Third, enough with the drama. First you're screaming in your subject line and then you're all "Tell me what to do." I'm giving you an opinion (a watered down, sugar-coated opinion) about your synopsis, not instructions for how to administer CPR to someone dying on the kitchen floor.

So now what? Read the advice. Take your time. Do it well. And maybe (seriously) you should rewrite your novel. (Or find a new hobby.)