Dear Author

From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Tuesday, August 20, 2012 7:14 PM

Subject: BAD NEWS

Hi

Guess what?  My publisher has decided not to publish my book.  I don't know what I did wrong. I wrote him a note and told him I will allow his editor to change my similes if that will make things better.  But I really don't know what I did wrong.  Maybe he just thinks I'm a bad writer. I don't know.

Now I have to try to find another publisher.  This means I can't count on selling my book and making the money to pay our taxes.  Damn.

Bad news.

love,

[Author]

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From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Friday, August 24, 2012 5:04 PM

Subject: Re: BAD NEWS

Hi,

I haven't heard anything more from you, but as much as I hope you're not beating yourself up over the fallout of this deal--IF it did end--I also worry that, as your email says, you're "trying to find another publisher." Why? Please stop with the publishers already. That industry is done. It's all about self-publishing and self-promotion now. You need to go back to the email I sent you a year ago (?) about how to establish a presence on the internet. Prospective publishers are going to be looking to see how many friends and followers you have because they want to know what sort of audience you command. So, DO NOT focus on publishers. Start with your manuscript. Then find "friends" and readers. Then get your "friends" to pay you for your writing. Then publishers will pay attention because you've proven there is money to be made. You have to do all the work for the publisher.

So, again, manuscript, "friends," money, publisher. In that order.

Love,

[Blogger]

----

From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Friday August 24, 2012 9:35 PM

Subject: Re: BAD NEWS

Hi

I am already working with a new publisher.  They are not a self publisher.  They are supposed to send me a contract.  I may get published this way.

I tried to establish a presence on the internet, and it did me no good.  I don't know how I can do this.

Thanks for your advice,

[Author]

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Before I even receive this email, our dear Author dashes off another...

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From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Friday August 24, 2012 9:50 PM

Subject: MORE STUFF

Hi

I meant to tell you I have more proof the editor I was working with at Sunbury was not too bright. She moved all the periods I had inside my parenthesis to the outside.  This is wrong.  You can check ELEMENTS OF STYLE and you will see I am right. I never said anything about this to her, because I didn't want to upset her or have her try to tell me I'm wrong.

I've been thinking that if I can't find another publisher, I might resubmit my book to Sunbury in a year.  I was thinking of doing this because the last note from the publisher implied they might be willing to look at it again.

Be happy,

[Author]

---

From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2012 3:06 PM

Subject: Re: MORE STUFF

Hi,

What is it that you're looking for? What does a book deal mean to you?

Love,

[Blogger]

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From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2012 4:14 PM

Subject: Re: MORE STUFF

Hi

I'm not sure what your questions mean.  To me a book deal means I will find a publisher who won't charge me anything to get my book published.  He will also help me market the book. 

My new publisher only pays a 20% royalty rate.  My previous publisher would have paid me 35% for any e-books I sold.  This is why if this first book sells well, I plan to find an agent and hope I can sell my second novel to a big time publisher who will pay me a fare rate.

Stay happy,

[Author]

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From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2012 11:14 AM

Subject: Re: MORE STUFF

Hi,

My question means what is it that you're looking for? No matter how much evidence is presented to you about the current climate of book publishing, you insist on sending query letters to publishers. It seems to be the only thing you do. You seem to be pounding the pavement in pursuit of accolades. What is it you're looking for?

You have a lot of people in your life who want to help you; we're rooting for you. But none of us can help you if you won't let us.

Love,

[Blogger]

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From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Wednesday, September 5, 2012 4:23 PM

Subject: IN RESPONSE

Hi

My last publisher was willing to pay me 20% for hard copies and 35% for e-books.  I don't know why you think I would only get 10%.  I guess I didn't realize downloads only sell for 99cents.  If you look on Amazon, downloads usually sell for $9.95.

I believe my new publisher is called Wandering Sage. They are from Michigan.  I think.  I'm not sure.  This may not be entirely true. 

I was thinking of sending my novel to Sunbury just to try to get it published.  I mean, the guy made it sound like they might be willing to consider it again.  I figured I'd never find another publisher, but I was wrong.

Hope this answers your questions.

love,

[Author]

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From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Wednesday, September 5, 2012 10:55 AM

Subject: Publishers

Hi,

You seemed anxious to get off the phone on Sunday, so I didn't get to ask you any questions about your conflicting emails...

I thought your last publisher was offering you only 10% royalties on paperbacks sold. What is the 20% for with the new publisher? I mean, 10% of $14.95 is way more than 35% of a 99-cent download. So what does 20% mean?

Who is your new publisher? Which novel did they agree to publish? Is this someone you found when you got annoyed with Sunbury? Is this a whole different novel?

Why would you send Sunbury your manuscript again? Didn't they prove to be lousy at editing and publishing? Do you plan to massively rewrite that manuscript in the next year so that the character is more enlightened by the end, suiting Sunbury's need for self-help and 18th century Age of Reason books?

Best wishes,

[Blogger]

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From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Wednesday, September 5, 2012 4:22 PM

Subject: IN RESPONSE

Hi

My last publisher was willing to pay me 20% for hard copies and 35% for e-books.  I don't know why you think I would only get 10%.  I guess I didn't realize downloads only sell for 99cents.  If you look on Amazon, downloads usually sell for $9.95.

I believe my new publisher is called Wandering Sage. They are from Michigan.  I think.  I'm not sure.  This may not be entirely true. 

I was thinking of sending my novel to Sunbury just to try to get it published.  I mean, the guy made it sound like they might be willing to consider it again.  I figured I'd never find another publisher, but I was wrong.

Hope this answers your questions.

love,

[Author]

---

From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Thursday, September 6, 2012 11:26 AM

Subject: Re: MORE STUFF

Hi,

Which novel is your new publisher producing? Based on the Wandering Sage Publications' site, I can only assume it's your Harry Potter knock-off. I would hope you don't plan to publish [the one about the idiot writer] with Wandering Sage but are still talking about sending it back to Sunbury Press.

Last year, you said, "I sold them my book [about the idiot writer]...  As far as I know, I make 10% off the paperback copies they sell."

I'm starting to notice that the way you write about your publishing deals sounds like you don't care. You refer to everything as "as far as I know" or "I think." It doesn't sound the least bit like you care to make any money. But you also aren't overcome with the art of writing either. It all makes me wonder how much longer you plan to keep doing this if you have no passion for the money or the art. I mean, think of your answer to "What are you after?" Where's the joy?

Love,

[Blogger]

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From: Author

To: Blogger

Sent: Thursday, September 6, 2012 4:19 PM

Subject: QUESTION

Hi

Why are you hoping I didn't send [the one about the idiot writer] to Wandering Sage? Do you know something about this publisher I don't know?  Is there some reason I should tell them to cancel my contract?  As far as I know, they're a good company.

Let me know.

love,

[Author]

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From: Blogger

To: Author

Sent: Friday, September 7, 2012 8:44 AM

Subject: Re: QUESTION

I have no information for you about Wandering Sage.

God bless.

 ---

"God bless" is code here for "please stop trying to write and sell novels."

Can anyone figure out from her emails which book she is publishing with Wandering Sage or why she would send Sunbury Press an unrevised version of [the one about the idiot writer] for a second round of nonsense?

Old Notes

I took to transcribing our phone calls some time ago. You want me to call you no more than twice a month, and these calls last a maximum of ten minutes, so it's really not that much work to get a pad of Post-Its and jot down your half of the conversation. It's caused me to say less and less because I'm busy writing,  but you don't really seem to care. You only want soundbites of "what's new."

The other day you wrote me an email to tell me not to call this Sunday (today) because it is Oscar Sunday and you don't want me to interrupt. I went looking for last year's reaction to the ceremony. I mean, I would swear that for the past eight years you've done nothing but complain about how boring the show is. But I couldn't find notes about the Oscars. I found complaints about the Golden Globes and freelance clients and your "stupid" writers' group. But nothing about the Oscars. I would imagine that your renewed interest in the ceremony has something to do with a renewed interest in screenwriting.

As it turns out, I found a set of notes from a night about a year ago when there was no episode of Brothers and Sisters, when ABC "made" you "suffer" through an extra hour of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. ("What do they care? They don't care.") It had to be at least a year ago, before you'd discovered the wonders of Lulu.com. You told me you were "working" on the novel, but you were "not finding much to change."

You were "not finding much to change."

Perhaps this was a different novel? Oh no. This was The Worst Novel Ever that you were "working" on. Because there was not much to change, you were mostly looking for excerpts to send to agents. You had decided that the scene where "they make LOVE" was the way to go. You said this as though it were the most scandalous way of describing raunchy sex. Make LUHV.

In case I didn't know exactly which scene you were talking about—the scene you had been so impressed with when you wrote it in what? 1992? Long before you were aware of Candace Bushnell and the way a certain Samantha would influence how a generation of women viewed sex and sexuality—a scene you described briefly as "the bride and groom have a fight and then make love in the wedding coordinator's office. That's a good one." Oh my god. As I was typing this, I put "on the wedding coordinator's desk." But even that is too graphic for you. No, no. They make luuhv in a room. They don't fuck on someone's desk. Oh my god. Dear readers, you can only imagine how brilliant of a scene this must be. But [author] was still completely impressed with her handiwork more than ten years later.

The Front Cover

May 19, 2009

Hi

I'm just writing to let you know I found the actual cover image the people at Lulu created.  I'm attaching it to this note so you can see it.  I think it is very simple but poetic.  I think it works well for the story.  I am happy with it.  I let them know I'm happy, but I asked them to move my name to the bottom of the page and write, "A novel by [author]."   I hope they will do this.  But the cover problem is solved.  Let me know what you think of it.

I was also happy with the back cover.  They printed my synopsis for the novel.  Excellent.

That's all the news.

love,

[author]

First off, for the sake of people everywhere who might be wondering, "Should I pay Lulu to design my book cover?" the answer is NO. If you are a writer, you should not design your cover. (Sure, you might be talented or have a great idea, but my past experience as a Jane-of-all-trades has taught me that doing too many things for one project waters down the final result. You should not be the writer, editor, and designer for the same book unless you plan to give yourself the full amount of time each of those jobs requires.) And while I'd like to think that a publishing company knows better than anyone what is going to sell, this publishing company does not. After all, they will publish ANYTHING. They publish on demand. Do you need a cover designed for your book? Contact me. My 5-month-old son can grasp objects and push buttons. He could design a better cover for less than $80.

May 5, 2009

Today I tried to get my book published on the Lulu publishing site. I'm not sure if I succeeded. They asked me to download the file for my book and I did that. Then they wanted me to download a copy of the book jacket.  I did that, too.  A moment later I was paying $80 to have them custom design my jacket. They say this will help the book sell better than if they use the jacket I came up with.  After that I was tossed to a page that showed my order and I don't know if that means they plan to publish my book or not. There were no other pages after this.  I have no idea what is happening. I guess I won't know for another couple weeks or more. I hope they e-mail me to let me know what is going on.

So obviously, you, the author, have a lot of problems. I didn't even know where to start. We had already talked on the phone about this. You told me about self-publishing websites like they were the new. Next you'll tell me there's this great new site for social networking...

I can see nothing has changed since the phone call. You still have no idea what you are doing. One downloads from and uploads to a website. Are you downloading a template or are you uploading your manuscript and design?

What will an $80 custom-designed book jacket get you? Are they going to read the manuscript? How many rounds of revisions do you get? What sort of input do you have? A library of royalty-free images does not make for a winning design.

You're hoping they will email you to let you know what is going on... They have your credit card number. They're done with you. On to all the other unemployed fools hoping to make a buck peddling their crap on the Lulu marketplace.

On the phone, I would ask you why you didn't contact me about designing the book cover. My husband would be offended you hadn't thought of him—he's been designing even longer than me. But you've known me almost 30 years. Why didn't you think to contact me? "I didn't want to be imposing," you'd say. There's a way to not be imposing and still get a great cover.

All these months later, I now realize you didn't think to ask me to design the cover because you knew I would say I needed to read the manuscript. And then I would know what crap this novel is. Then I'd tell you not to publish it. And then what would you do? So instead you paid Lulu to design the book cover. Then you paid them almost another $300 so you would have the privilege of speaking to someone at the compnay over email.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. The above paragraph implies that you are aware you're dealing with a self-publishing company. You are not. You are under the impression that Lulu is the name of your magical agent who has finally signed you to a big time deal. You can't ask people you know to design the cover because that's not the way this business works. You can't tell your agent you have someone in mind. You just trust your agent and your publisher's judgment. Lulu will take care of you. Lulu promised to promote your book on Amazon. Obviously, Lulu is already lining up those interviews and book signings.

I tried to be nice when I responded to your "I don't know what's going on!" email in May. I wrote:

Lulu only publishes your book when someone has paid for a copy of it. If you paid them to design the cover, approve the design, and upload the rest of the content (who's laying out all the pages inside?), they will publish it after an order is placed.

You did not respond.

A few days after sending you the crappy snapshots I took to serve as your author's photo, you send me the email that starts this entry. You've attached a docx file. I try a dozen different programs, but nothing on this computer will open it. I send it to other people. All we can get is a tiny preview. I'm dying to know if the yellowish-green strip across the top says "PROOF" or if that's really part of the design. I write back...

Hi,

My computer doesn't know what to do with a docx file, so all I can see is the tiny preview. But I'm happy to hear you're pleased with the results of their design.

Love,

[me]

Every few weeks, I search Lulu and Google for your book. I have to see this cover. One day it finally shows up on Lulu:
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/offing-miss-nevada/7056098

Really? You paid money for that? Is this close to what you originally designed on their site or wildly different? Because I'm pretty sure any monkey could have typed your name and the title into default settings, made a random selection from the color wheel, and called it a design. What is that? And you paid them! Why can't they put "A Novel by [author]" wherever it is you want them to put it? Isn't this supposed to be custom-designed?

(Listen up, search engines...) You paid Lulu. For a custom cover design. Why isn't your name where you say you want your name to be? No one should ever pay Lulu for a cover design. Ever. If you, the random person who stumbled upon this blog, need a cover designed, contact my husband. If you need an editor, contact me. If you need your cover to look like poop, I have a baby with dirty diapers. I'm serious about all three of those offers. http://madelinestrum.com/contact

Emailing the Author

Is it cowardly to publicly post what I can't tell you to your face? I don't think so. I would love to tell you all of this. To be there to have a drink and let you cry on my shoulder that writing does not come as easily to you as you would like.

But you do not listen. All my life you stressed how important it is to be a good listener, but that's only because you know you are a terrible listener. Maybe if you had been listening earlier in life, you would not be at this point—stubbornly trying to hock the first draft of your first novel.

So here I am, publicly stating what is really very private. Unfair? Perhaps. But I'd like to know I'm not crazy. And the only chance for that is to come here and release all the thoughts taking up real estate in  my head.

To try to be more fair to you, I emailed you after my last post.

Hi,

In the past, you've never welcomed any of my suggestion with great enthusiasm, but I still feel compelled to throw in my two cents on this idea of cutting 10,000 words. I think you could easily cut 250 pages. Pick one sister to be the main character and delete everything from the other sister's point of view.

I'm not sure which aunt of mine told you that the story was too long, but I'm sure she would support the notion that reading everything a second time didn't add much to the story overall.

Yeah, cut half the material and you'll actually end up with twice the story.

Later.

Love,

[me] 

You wrote back after a few days.

Hi

I got both your messages.  I'm not sure what you mean when you say there were complaints in the past.  Complaints from whom?  I didn't get any.

You may be right about the cutting the novel by cutting one sister's story. I'll have to give that a try, but I think it would really spoil the story.  I think cutting it down to 89,000 words is good enough.

Nothing else new.  Stay in touch.

love,

[author]

Ummmmm... Huh?

Hi,

> I'm not sure what you mean when you say there were
> complaints in the past. Complaints from whom?  I didn't get any.

Huh? Now I have no idea what you're referring to.

> You may be right about the cutting the novel by cutting one
> sister's story.

I'm not saying you cut a sister's story. Just pick one to be the narrator's perspective. Then you'll have a whole 200-250 pages to really dig into the problems these characters face.

Later,
[me]

It's been four days. You have not responded. Not even to ask me if I heard about the freak earthquake in your town. You must really not want to hear anymore about suggested changes to your novel. Which is unfortunate. Because I'll just keep publishing them here.

Cutting 10,000 Words

Last night I called to talk to you. Earlier in the week I emailed to ask what I should do with the book now that I've finished reading your novel. But in the phone call, you asked if I had started reading it yet.

You sounded excited. Like here might be one person who was going to tell you she loved it. All week, I had been expecting you to sound annoyed.

So, I said I finished it. You said you must not have gotten that email.

"Did you enjoy the part with preparing for the wedding?"

I haven't discussed that part on this site yet, but you were referring to the subplot of a wedding that Angela is planning for a couple who fights whenever they are in her office. Enjoy? "Not really," I said.

"You're not giving me much hope here for reaching a younger audience," you said.

Ignoring how you didn't asked why I didn't enjoy that part (or the rest of the novel), I instead reminded you that I'm not really the "younger" audience anymore. I'm almost the same age as your main characters and hitting the tail end of the 18-35 demographic. But you don't want to think you're "Mama" now and not "Angela" or "Bev," so you blew off my comment.

"I'm working on cutting 10,000 words," you said. "I'm hoping this gives me a better chance with agents. Your aunt said it was too long. That there's too much dialogue. It reads like a screenplay. And that Bev doesn't sound tired enough."

You rambled. I couldn't even ask which aunt you were talking about. When you stopped to take a breath, I went with the more important question: "What are you sending to agents? The description from the back?"

"A blurb from the back, yeah. My synopsis."

I groaned. Audibly.

"Anything else new?" you asked. You were done talking about your novel. It's obviously not meant for me because I am neither going through a divorce or caring for an elderly parent. Otherwise I would relish it, as the back of your book says.

So now what? Do I let it go? Do I tell you that you really have no hope with the novel in the condition it's currently in? That you're wasting all your time and money? That if you just add the word "tired" a dozen times, it will make Bev only more unlikeable?

Cutting 10,000 words is not the solution. Starting over, picking one main character, and actually dealing with the problems is the way to go.