[I wrote this months ago, but only saved it as a draft until now...] Hopefully you've read the previous post (click here), otherwise this might not make a whole lot of sense.
That's the excerpt you send out? Seriously? Brandy is not the main character. Trevor is not the main character. That fight has little to do with the story. If I read that excerpt, I would assume you are a poor man's Candace Bushnell. I would also assume the rest of the story to be about an engaged couple working through some issues—not a "tender, sensitive" tale of two sisters learning to say good-bye to their mother or learning to embrace their new lives as caretakers. In fact, it sounds like Angela is supposed to be a therapist, not a wedding coordinator.
When Brandy and Trevor appeared for their next regularly scheduled appointment with Angela, no one said a thing about the way their last visit to Angela’s office had ended.
And then we launch into dialogue...
“We’re ready,” Brandy said.
“Speak for yourself,” said Trevor.
“Is the carriage all set?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Did they say who the driver will be?”
“I think the name they gave me was Marcia Somebody. Do you mind having a female driver?”
“She minds not having Jason show up at the church.”
“Stop it, Trevor.”
Wait. Who's talking?
“There she was, for everyone to see, with her nipples aimed like two happy astronauts—straight at the moon.”
Brandy roared with delight at that comment. “Two happy astronauts! That’s just so Trevor!”
Trevor likes weird analogies?
Trevor sat back in his chair, fixed his eyes on Brandy. “I’ll get even. You wait.” “I told you, there’s nothing to get even for.”
“My pals are bringing in a stripper straight from D.C. And you know about the women there. I hear she can do more with two little grapes and a pair of high heels to make a man happy than twenty women in string bikinis.”
“She’s allowed to strip, but nothing else,” said Brandy.
“We’ll see.”
“Those are my rules. No touching.”
“What you don’t know, I don’t need to tell. Those are my rules.”
Brandy leaned toward him, almost chin to chin. “No touching her, Trevor.”
I have to admit, this is a better fight than any other than appears in the book. Because it uses words. And they sound like real people. Not people I care to read more about, but still. I have to come back to "fights" another time.“I can’t promise anything right now,” Trevor warned Brandy.
“Then consider us divorced.”
“We’re not even married!”
Brandy grabbed her purse from the floor, turned toward the office door.
And . . . scene.What? That's it? You have her just turn toward the door and I'm supposed to call you up and ask for the rest of the book? Sorry. Not even for the $5 digital version.
